what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
