He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just want to make out with him forever
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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