I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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