This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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