New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Green mimosas i think yes
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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