Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
