gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
