I hate all girls vehemently.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
