sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
