i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
