I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
