hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize