He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I need a beard to bite.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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