just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
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I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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