I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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