Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
