A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
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We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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