If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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