I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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