he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
jump out the window naked night went bad
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
