Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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