I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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