I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
