youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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