Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
