I just saw a hot homeless man
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
