I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
