i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
