I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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