i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
