I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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