The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
