Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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