whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
