Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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