That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
