just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
