Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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