Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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