We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
