why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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