my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
