my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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