Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
