Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
