I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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