Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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