Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
