no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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