Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
