There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
