fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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