You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
do nipples grow back?
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