if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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