I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
