Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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