I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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