i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
you never un-have a 4some
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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