Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
