There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
