You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
