My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
His hands were made for my vagina.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
