just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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